Mea Culpa
by VisceralComa
Summary: ONLY AVAILABLE ON AO3. The first time she felt like she might make a difference, was purely an accident. In all her years on Thedas, it took accidentally steeping the wrong flowers into a tea for her to feel like her life here had meaning or worth, or that she remotely had any power to change anything of what she knew to come.
1. Chapter 1

When the servants of Redcliffe castle refused to serve the Tevinter Magisters that had all but invaded in their attempt to "talk" with the rebel mages, they were dismissed as quickly as Arl Teagan and Arlessa Kaitlyn had been kicked out.

Grand Enchanter Fiona was subsequently too quick to offer the tranquil and apprentices in their place for the remainder of the Tevinters' stay. Anything to appease their would be allies.

The problem, however, was very few mages had experience on such domestic tasks, as the Circle made them reliant on tranquil and the Templars. Those that did were few and far between. A fact they learned when the mages retreated to Andoral's Reach, many mages had to take up the task of domestic duties. There were few who had the forethought to grab recipe books from the archives, a few who remembered their youth in their family homes, and those who had lived as apostates. There were the tranquil that came with them of course, but hunting was a necessity in order to supply meat and well…that's where the apprentices came in.

Nonetheless, mages and tranquil were now tending to Redcliffe castle.

Paloma just so happened to be one of those assigned to kitchen duties. As an apprentice a few years off from her Harrowing when the rebellion began, she had little practical purpose beyond preparing herbs and rote memorization.

"You are awake early." Clemence greeted as he walked into the kitchens. Clemence had been her mentor on alchemical procedures in the circle. The Tranquil were often used to guide the young apprentices.

The smell of freshly baked bread and a morning stew so the Tevinter guests could break their fast had wafted into the main hall.

"More like I haven't slept." Paloma sighed as she kneaded the last batch of dough. She huffed a stray lock of hair from her face, not wanting to stop what she was doing to tuck it back. It persisted to hang in her face.

Clemence came around to her side, expression muted and neutral as ever. He reached and tucked the lock back. His fingers lingering over the curve of her ears, tracing the scarred flesh where he once remembered they were pointed.

"Thanks." Paloma smiled brightly at him. His face showed nothing, no response, but Paloma didn't need a physical reaction to know the nod was his form of acknowledgement.

"What kept you from your slumber?" Clemence asked. "Was it the new tincture draft?"

"You read my mind." Paloma aggrieved as she tucked the dough ball neatly before quartering it, tucking them until they were smooth balls, and setting them into their own bowls for rest with a towel over them. "I think my dried arias are losing their efficacy. The tainted mice didn't respond as well as the last batch. Plus I need to collect more Andraste's Grace, but with the kitchen duties…" Paloma tossed the dough on the counter roughly.

"And the increasing level of mage and templar skirmishes." Clemence reminded.

"Yeah. A lil difficult to head to the Kocari wilds, not to mention the darkspawn alone. You think they all would have fled back underground with the Breach." Paloma wiped her brow with her forearm. The stray lock coming loose again.

"It would be negligible to allow you to venture that far south with the increase in darkspawn raids." Clemence taste-tested the stew and added a pinch of salt and a few more herbs and spices. He stirred once and tasted a sip.

"Hey, that's going to be a bit too strong." Paloma came around to stop him.

"Tevinter cuisine preferences are heavily reliant on spiced sauces and stews." Clemence informed.

"Really?" Paloma came to a pause beside him. "Can I try?"

"If you wish." Clemence intended on grabbing a second spoon to allow her to taste, but she grabbed the one he had sipped from. He blinked in surprise. "Ah."

"Ooh." She moaned. "That's got some heat! A much better addition."

"Is it?" Clemence looked down at the vegetable stew.

"Yes! It'll go perfectly with the rice." She praised.

Clemence was unused to receiving praise. The Templars only cared for when his potions and cooking was done. A tickle in the back of his mind had him wishing he could smile in return, even if he did not feel the same excitement. But alas, the Rite prevented that.

The kitchen door opened with a disgruntled grunt from Linnea as the milk buckets sloshed and barely remained upright as she slammed them down. "Next time, you're collecting the ram milk." Linnea hissed at Paloma.

"Hey, you drew the short stick." Paloma tutted as she grabbed the buckets to fill the milk churns. One for the larder and one for butter.

"I wasn't joking." Linnea growled as her hand lit with flame. "I'm not getting near that thing again."

Paloma shared a disbelieving look with Clemence.

"Perhaps I should inform our Tevinter guests of your unwillingness to cooperate as a cohesive kitchen unit?" Clemence didn't blink, merely continued to stir the stew with his monotone voice even. It wasn't a threat if you heard it in passing, but Paloma knew it to be a threat. There was no tone or inflection, but the words were clear enough to her. And thankfully to Linnea.

"Tell your Tranquil pet to be quiet." Linnea barked and left the kitchen.

"Hey! He's not my pet! And you're supposed to be bringing up the young master's tea!" Paloma called out the door into the hall, yet Linnea turned a corner down the stairs. "Shoot." She eyed the tray she had prepared for it. She still had another batch of dough to prepare.

"I will deliver the tea." Clemence stated. "You have much to do and you arrived before us."

"No you don't. The last time you showed yourself in the great hall, they took great offence. I can't imagine if you did in Magister Alexius's private quarters." Paloma tutted and pushed Clemence back to the hearth. "Just begin preparing the servings. I'll be quick."

"If you insist." Clemence stepped to the iron stove where a cauldron had been sat filled with freshly cooked rice. He carried it closer to the hearth and besides a stack of wooden bowls. With a wooden spoon he quickly filled each bowl. Half with rice. Half with stew. It was packed and set on the serving carts.

Paloma on the other hand was opening a jar with a dried tea powder concoction. She measured out according to a tacked up piece of parchment, exactly three scoops into a parchment pouch and tied it off before adding it to a kettle. As it boiled, she sprinkled in lyrium dust and stirred. It took five minutes to prepare, then she let it simmer for ten before serving it into an enchanted teapot to keep it warm. She set it on a special tray, where Clemence also placed a bowl of rice and stew, freshly baked bread roll, a cluster of grapes, sugar cubes, and lemon slices.

Paloma eyed the grapes, plucking the withering and wilting ones, before nodding. Utensils and linen napkin set on, it was ready to deliver.

"I'll be back down." Paloma pushed the door to the stairs open with her hip.

"I await your return." Clemence watched her go. He stared at where she'd been kneading dough long after she had left. If the efficacy of her arias were waning, it would do well to jar them for preservation, much like they did the berries and fruits.

"Clemence." Lysas knocked as he entered the kitchen, beside him was another elven mage who was slight and young. "I bring you Banon. He will be assisting you in the kitchens. He has only just arrived. Grand Enchanter Fiona requests he be given simple tasks for now until we can place him in the library."

Banon stepped in after Lysas. Clemence took one look at him, and then down to his hands. Soft skin, ink under his fingernails, and paper cuts.

Where was a mage still performing archival duties as to have ink under his nails? He squinted but nodded.

"You can assist with the fruit preparation." Clemence nodded and directed Banon to the precision knives.

"Fruit preparation?" Banon asked with a frown.

"The Tevinters prefer the fruits are presented for breakfast as such." He pointed to the image Paloma had drawn. A cornucopia of grapes, assorted imported bananas, mangos, and berries.

"How queer, so much effort when you can just grab the fruit from a pile." Banon huffed.

"They are particular in their aesthetic appeal of their foods at banquets and in personal." Lysas smirked. "Some would say they are worse than Orlesians."

Banon shivered. "No one can beat the Orlesians in that respect."

"You will be surprised." Clemence droned.

"I leave you in his care, Clemence?" Lysas's gaze flicked toward Banon's hands with meaning.

"Of course. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly, including under your fingernails before handling the fruits." Clemence stared long at Banon.

Banon looked down at his hands.

"You don't really expect me to take orders from a Tranquil?" Banon spoke up.

"I expect you to aid where you can in these trying times while the Grand Enchanter negotiates with the Tevinters on our behalf." Lysas leveled him with a stern look, daring Banon to talk back.

"Hmph." Banon frowned before moving to the sink where he cleaned.

"Besides, Clemence gives no orders." Lysas smiled softly.

Clemence pulled the other needed fruits from the larder.

"Oh…" Banon looked between them. "Well good."

"I only remind of that which needs to be done. Be it by you, me, or the others." Clemence expressed. "It matters little on who performs it, only that it is done."

Banon wiped his hands dry. "Right…"

"Here are the fruits. Please prepare. The breaking fast banquet will begin soon." Clemence set the fruits down and returned back to plating the rice and stew, with bread set.

They lulled into silence as they worked. Clemence noted Lysas's continued presence. He was looking around the kitchen and then down the hall.

"Is there anything else, Enchanter Lysas?" Clemence questioned.

"Where is Linnea?" Lysas frowned.

"Linnea left in a fit of rage after having had to milk the rams this morning."

Lysas looked down the hall. "And where is Paloma?"

"She has gone to deliver the young master's tea."

Lysas frowned, his body rigid as he quickly paled. "Oh dear."

* * *

Paloma ascended the steps carefully, slowing when needed. She reached the third floor of the castle and walked down the hallway. She didn't know exactly which room only that it was the one opposite the library in the royal wing. Paloma adjusted her grip on the tray as she passed a Tevinter slave standing guard. She wore little save for the spiked collar around her neck, some cloth underneath that leading down to her chest in a criss-crossed fashion, a belt and long loincloth, leather gloves, and her shoes. Her sun darkened torso and thighs entirely on display. She stared ahead without a helmet to hide her face.

"Um…" Paloma tried not to stare as she passed. They slaves were not allowed to speak to the mages, so she knew not to ask them. But that didn't mean the slaves didn't stare. "I need to find the library." She squeezed out around a held breath.

The slave stared long at her. Paloma considered just opening each door, until the slave turned her head and stared at a door three down from where they were.

"Th-thank you." Paloma smiled and plucked a few grapes from the tray and held them out to the slave. As soon as the slave grabbed them, Paloma was quick to keep moving. Else the slave end up in trouble.

She found the door and peeked inside to confirm it was the library. Lifting the tray again, she went to the other door, feeling that slave's gaze hard on her as she knocked. It was quiet, until she heard a faint invitation to come in.

Paloma pushed the door open and walked into the dark stale smelling room. The only light being from the hearth and a bedside candle. She didn't dare look, instead wishing to drop the tray off at the table and retreat, but a cough had her looking toward the bed, toward Felix.

He was a lot paler than she recalled.

He let out a wheezing cough as he caught her gaze with his incredulous one. "You're new."

"Oh- I…" Paloma wanted to apologize but the young man devolved into a coughing fit as he tried to climb out of the bed. He gripped a bedpost to steady himself.

Quickly she poured his tea and crossed the room to his side. "Please sit, drink your medicinal tea." She gently guided him back into bed.

"You shouldn't come close." He wheezed as she set the blankets over his lap.

"Why?" Paloma already knew why that was. "Are you sick?"

He gave an amused huff. "Yes, very much so."

"Oh dear." Paloma deadpanned, looking from his pallid complexion, reddened nose, and bloodshot eyes. "I hadn't noticed."

Felix's grin was wide as he laughed, which turned into coughs as he clutched his chest.

"Drink your tea." Paloma tutted as she helped raise the cup to his lips. His grimace told tale of how awful the taste was, but he drank it all. "Yes, I'm sure it's quite bitter."

"But its taste is a marked improvement from the powders." Felix sighed as he settled back on the bed. "I find I can't quite stomach to swallow them without liquid." He muttered. "The tea's texture is much more preferable."

"You should consider having the powders pressed into capsules." Paloma suggested as she stepped back finally. "Are you wishing to break your fast in bed or the table?"

"Bed please." He spoke automatically but was caught on one word.

Paloma grabbed the tray. Her fingers working quick to pull the legs out to prop it up on the bed.

"Capsules?" Felix squinted.

"Pardon?"

"What are capsules?" Felix questioned again.

"Oh." Paloma froze. Had she mentioned something they didn't have yet? "Ah… using the uh powders, if you press them tightly with binding agents, they're much easier to swallow whole instead of ingesting powders."

"Huh." Felix squinted. "I don't believe my father has tried that yet."

"Well I certainly hope he may. Will that be all for this morning." Paloma wanted to return to the kitchen quickly.

"No. Uh…" Felix looked at her and then smiled. "I must say you are certainly a sight better than the last serving girl."

"Linnea does take some getting used to."

"She was rather brusque." Felix mused. Silence lapsed between them.

Paloma looked toward the door. She had so many more duties and things to bake for supper and then evening meal. And she desperately wanted to discuss with Clemence alternative methods of prolonging the efficacy of her herbs. "If that is all?"

"I don't believe I caught your name." Felix asked at the same time.

"Pardon my manners, sir! I am Paloma Belpre." Paloma gave an overly formal bow with a playful smirk. Felix chuckled at her antics.

"I am Felix Alexiu-" He introduced himself but stopped when Paloma's smile grew wider. "And you already knew that."

"Almost all the rebel mages are aware of who you are and…" She trailed off and winced.

"Ah I take it my condition has been the subject of gossip?"

"Well...I don't wish to get anyone in trouble, but...the walls have quite a lot of ears." Paloma didn't want to get anyone in trouble just because she knew many facts of things to come and things that are.

"And they whisper quite readily." Felix sighed and eyed the tray of food. "Thank you for the morning meal, and my tea."

"It was no trouble, sir." She nodded, gave a quick bow and left.

Paloma walked down the hall quickly only to see Lysas coming down the other way hurriedly.

"Thank the Maker, there you are." Lysas huffed as he jogged to her and checked her over.

"What's the issue? Is something wrong?" Paloma asked.

"No...I…" He paused and looked at the female slave watching them. "I just need to make sure you return back to your kitchen duties."

"Oh. Of course." Paloma eyed him. His shoulders tense and his skin paler than normal. They walked down the stairs and back toward the kitchens. "Care to explain?" She asked once they were within eyesight of the kitchen.

"While the Grand Enchanter negotiates our potential alliance with Magister Alexius, she has urged that no apprentice, especially an elven one, be left alone with any Tevinter magister." He spoke lowly.

Paloma stilled. "I am not an elf." She stated simply. "But I do see the danger in apprentices being alone with any magister."

Lysas bit his tongue, not wishing to correct her initial reaction. He was well away of her self-disfigurement. But it was neither the time or place to handle that. "Thank you. I will speak to Linnea on her abandonment of her duties. In the meantime I will have Keili assigned to the kitchens with you."

"Keili?"


	2. Where to Find

Due to a recent rash of fanfictions being displayed on third party mobile apps without author permissions or consent and the mobile apps monetizing it via ads or even locking some fics behind a paywall, I have decided to remove all my fanfiction and note that you can now only find them on AO3 under the same author name as on here. This fic is now only accessible on Archive of Our Own and only to registered users on AO3.


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